I Here Am!

by jason

In regard to my last post: No, I didn’t puss out.  I’ve just been busy. So get off my back, sailor. All that I completed was a paragraph with a lame descriptive  exposition of the main character. I was seeing him as an older, seemingly broke down, ex something-or-other, that saves the day against a galaxy of magic, or whatever the hell the I said I was going to do. I sat down for an hour once during the past week and this is all I came up with:

The Watchman.

Harvey’s eyes opened just in time to see the last, pink flicker of light disappear with the day. He groaned and stretched his feet out from beneath the sheets, rubbed his eyes and coughed and hacked his way to the bathroom. In the mirror he splashed water on his face and watched himself. His jaw was long and wide, his chin flat and square under a ubiquitous thin lipped sneer. His yellow-grey eyes were swollen and red below his thick brows rising outward from twin creases above a broad nose, his long gray bangs grew down to his cheeks from high flat temples.

Then I never came back to it. Maybe one day I’ll finish it. But not likely.

Here I Am!

by jason

It’s been a while since I’ve contributed anything to this mess. With no point, goal, or consistency my blog has been an effective exercise in randomness. So I thought to myself, “Why stop now?”

I like to write but rarely follow through with anything.  I have no direction or discipline, which is a common thread that runs through my life, so I thought up a little assignment for myself.  A while ago I ran across this:

 http://www.seventhsanctum.com/generate.php?Genname=storygen

The idea is to use this short story generator to write a complete short story within a week. Sounds easy enough. Whether or not it’s bad or incomplete I’ll post the results here.  After setting the category to “Random Category” this is what I’m stuck with:

“The story is about a fearsome watchman who must work with a cheerful official. It starts on a war-torn world in a galaxy of magic. The need to kill someone to stop a prophecy from coming true is an important part of the story. “

This is going to be fun.

-j

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I think it’s about time to plug my twitter page at twitter.com/lovablerascal.  It’s only slightly less useless than this blog. If you don’t know what twitter is, well, consider yourself lucky and try to forget that you read this. It’s for your own good. I use it as an exercise in trying to  make a crotch joke funny in 140 characters or less. I went back a couple months and rifled through my previous tweets in search of an amusing handful. This was the best I could do:

Sitting down on a motorcycle seat that has been sitting in the sun on a cool day: Magical.

I think a realistic chick movie should include the inevitable post coitus search for carelessly strewn undergarments.

MLB steroid scandals may have decreased faith in pro sports, but it’s increased the times I’ve heard “shrunken testicles” on TV. BONUS!

I am and always will be an admirer of adorable cashier girls.

Surprised at how the sharp decline in the price per barrel of crude oil has effected “moustache rides”.

I’m celebrating Milton’s birthday by getting drunk in iambic pentameter.

Owls think they’re soo cool with their hooting and their night vision. Stupid show off owls.

See, I have a tendency to be mildly amusing at times. Follow me on Twitter: www.twitter.com/lovablerascal.

xoxo -J

I’ll make this quick because I’m late to watch a movie that isn’t Slumdog Millionaire. Unfortunately I have the feeling the aforementioned movie is going to win “Best Picture” this year at the Oscars,  so here are a few movies from 2008 I enjoyed much more than Slumdog.

In Bruges

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My favorite movie of the year.  You haven’t seen it which means you’ve missed one of Colin Farrell’s best performances in a clever, dark comedy that’s fun for the whole family. Ok, maybe not the whole family. Quote from Colin Farrell’s character, Ray:

Somehow, Ken, I believe that the balance shall tip in the favor of culture, like a big fat fucking retarded fucking black girl on a see-saw.

Hamlet 2
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Rock me, sexy Jesus. “In this irreverent comedy, a failed actor-turned-worse-high-school-drama-teacher rallies his Tucson, AZ students as he conceives and stages politically incorrect musical sequel to Shakespeare’s Hamlet” My funniest movie of 2008. Steve Coogan is spot on and hilarious. He plays one of my favorite characters of the year.

Happy Go Lucky

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A look at a few chapters in the life of Poppy, a cheery, colorful, North London schoolteacher whose optimism tends to exasperate those around her. This movie sent me on a magical journey through the interwebs in search of British colloquialisms which I now have to consciously keep out of my vocabulary at the risk of sounding like a nutter to friends and family. Good movie, fantastic acting and I have a crush on Poppy.

Snow Angels

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A drama that interweaves the life of a teenager, with his old baby sitter, her estranged husband, and their daughter. I went into this movie not knowing the scope of the movie other than it was a drama and Sam Rockwell was in it. I suggest you watch it knowing as little about it as possible. Great movie, great acting and forgive me for saying: a rare treat.

-J

 oh, Martha

I’ve always had a thing for light-eyed brunettes. This article from the Washington Post cites forensic pathologists that used a portrait to generate an image of what Martha would have looked like in her 20s. Turns out she was gorgeous. Good on ya, George.
Fresh Look at Martha Washington: Less First Frump, More Foxy Lady

It’s well known amongst my friends I have the type of personality that, even for people who have known me for a while, isn’t known for being the most outgoing. So in an effort to get to know me better I decided to compile 25 facts about myself you need to know to get a better understanding  of where I’m coming from.

1. My middle name is “Flamingo”
2. I completed the Kessel run in 10.6 parsecs.
3. I recently dated actress Elizabeth Shue. (Karate Kid; Leaving Las Vegas)
4. My left arm is prosthetic
5. I’m legally “awesome”.
6. I don’t hate people as much as I hate their dummy heads and stinky butts.
7. I’m good friends with “The Wonder Years” star Fred Savage.
8. I once made a 1:1 scale model of a 1991 Chrysler LeBaron out of paper-mâché.
9. I co-wrote 4 songs performed by Hootie and The Blowfish.
10. I competed and lost in the 1993 NBA All-Star Game Slam Dunk contest.
11. I wear tights and ugg boots around my apartment.
12. I don’t believe that this the “season for pleasin’.”
13. I own an all night diner staffed with sassy, fast talking women from the 1940’s.
14. I’m naked from the waist down.
15. I have an irrational fear of Asian-American babies.
16. I’ve only “robbed and plundered” once, but I was drunk.
17. I fantasize about making out with “Sparty” the Michigan State University mascot.
18. Forbes estimated my net worth at $563.1 million USD.
19. I was born with a thick, bristly mustache.
20. I am on loan from the Louvre.
21. I coined the phrase “Muffin Cut”
22. If the van is “a rockin” I invariably go “a knockin”.
23. I would do Clive Owen.
24. I have a New Zealand accent.
25. I’m not drunk. Yet.

Logical Change

by jason


One of the reasons I stay out of debating politics, or even discuss it in private with people who disagree with me, is the utter fallacious nature of most peoples arguments. Logical fallacies are used in political propaganda to create mired arguments that are seemingly impossible to penetrate with a countering point of view. This has always been used by both parties, but the past eight years the sheer amount of this I’ve seen from the Republican party has been staggering. I believe this is mainly caused by the lack of logic their constituency inherently possesses, and their eagerness to eat it up. *wink*

A logical fallacy by definition is a collapse in logic often used in debate to mislead or distract people from the real issue.

The entire “War On Terror” is built around different logical fallacies.

Either you’re with us or against us.” Sounds like something you would hear on Fox News and it forces someone into a fight that isn’t theirs to begin with. These are the “bandwagon” or “guilt by association” fallacies.

If you’re protesting against the war, then you’re unpatriotic!” Again this one has Fox news written all over it. This attempts to use shame as a tool and bypass a Constitutionally guaranteed right.

If you’re not doing anything wrong, then you have no reason to fear the passage of the Patriot Act.” This should send shivers down the spine of anyone fortunate enough to have read and absorbed the book 1984. This uses guilt as a tool to bypass a Constitutionally guaranteed right. This is the “Emotional appeal” fallacy or the “Appeal from authority” fallacy.

The example that bothers me the most after Obama was elected president was the idea that you’re either a reformer or unifier. This is a false dichotomy.

A false dichotomy is committed when the arguer claims that his conclusion is one of only two options, when in fact there are other possibilities. The arguer then goes on to show that the ‘only other option’ is clearly outrageous, and so his preferred conclusion must be embraced.

Roosevelt and Lincoln governed as radical reformers but were also great unifiers. Obama’s challenge is to create a new consensus that is designed by the circumstances that he is inheriting. One if his great strengths, that is also reminiscent of his character and similar to Lincoln, is he has the self confidence and intellect to listen to other people and then come to a amiable conclusion. Based on this, what I’ve seen from the campaign he’s run, and historical parallels, I believe he is perfectly capable of turning this country around and effectively exposing and discrediting the ideology that led us into the mess our country currently stands in.

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Cage in the wild, on the prowl.

1. Carry bear pepper spray. Experts recommend that hikers in Cage country carry with them bear pepper spray. UDAP bear pepper spray is a highly concentrated capsaicin spray that creates a large cloud. This stuff will usually stop Nicolas Cage in his tracks.

2. Don’t run. When you run, Cage thinks you’re prey and will continue chasing you, so stand your ground. And don’t think you can out run him. He is fast. He can reach speeds of 30 mph. Unless you’re an Olympic sprinter, don’t bother running.

3. Drop to the ground in the fetal position and cover the back of your neck with your hands. If you don’t have pepper spray or Cage continues to charge even after the spray, this is your next best defense. Hit the ground immediately and curl into the fetal position.
4. Play dead. Nicolas Cage will stop attacking when he feels there’s no longer a threat. If he thinks your dead, he won’t think you’re threatening. Once Cage is done tossing you around and leaves, continue to play dead. Cage is known for waiting around to see if their victim will get back up.

Be safe people. -J

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“Let’s play a drinking game, daddy.”

And Lot.. Dwelt in the mountain, and his two daughters with him… the firstborn said to the younger…there is no man on the earth to come unto us…Come, let us make our father drink wine, and we will lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father. And they made their father drink wine: and the firstborn went in, and laid with her father, and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she rose. And it came to pass on the morrow, the firstborn said, Behold, I lay yesternight with my Father, let us drink make him drink wine this night also; and go thou in, and lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father.

Apparently this story is used to condemn alcohol. Or bad wine. I don’t think I’ve drank enough or drank wine so bad as to make me oblivious to the fact I’m having sex with a relative.

Cracked.Com

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